Monday 29 Dec I had an argument with one of my closest friends and I ended it saying that since they're so busy I might as well say goodbye and the last message in the chat is me saying "Nice meeting you" and, while i don't think I am completely in the wrong for arguing about this (not gonna disclose the details obviously), I wish I wasn't acting all petty like that 'cause if I had written ANYTHING ELSE I could try reaching out first without it being awkward. Although I'm not going to reach out as I always do because at this point it has come down to a matter of self respect. I cannot explain how sad and angry and overall bad I feel — and have been feeling!! — these past days, but I guess new year's eve just hits differently. My family is very simple, we played board games and after a while everyone goes to sleep and I'm left with my own thoughts while all my friends and peers party the soul out of their bodies. Why did I even complain man, if only I kept my mouth shut things would have still worked out. I would have still gotten ignored but at least I knew they were still there, at least I could have had someone to maybe share new year's eve with, someone to even just text "happy new year" to but no, I just HAD TO do this- and now what? they're not even bothered, hell maybe they're even happier now that they don't have someone text them everyday and finally feel at peace, all the while I'm here, hurting. All the while I, the one who supposedly started the argument out of self respect for once, cannot physically go to sleep because my entire body and soul just miss them so much. All they needed to do was to reassure me I meant something, anything. I hate this, I hate it all. I'm not one to blog everything that happens to me really, I just felt like I did something shitty and now that he's still not reaching out, it just makes me feel like I'm not worth the effort at all. Because that's really what it boils down to...
Anyways, I really hope everyone watching this has a good time tonight and maybe, if luck is on our side this time, 2026 will be a little bit nicer to all of us. Here's to hoping.
~ B0ring